I never thought… Well, I never assumed I would be here. Again. Ever. I thought this place was so far behind me that it would fade into the mist like a bad nightmare, but that was a lie. It drifted away. Yes. But, inside the grey it transformed itself. It altered me, and while I was playing in the warmth of familial safety and defining friendships, the past was shifting in order to present itself to me again as new opportunities. So here I am, clacking away at the keys on my keyboard, sitting at a foreign desk in a familiar place. I am grateful to be here – grateful for the second chance. Few people are ever granted the chance for a new beginning, and yet, here I am. I ask myself, “Why me? What has made me so special that my stars decided to rewind themselves?” Honestly, I have no clear answer for those questions. Who am I to question blessings and not take full advantage?
So I have decided to do just that. Take advantage. I have been negligent of my duties. Duty to friendship. Writing. University. Life. Myself…but no longer will I allow myself to be defined by that which I have NOT accomplished. It is time – now – for me to prepare myself a worthwhile existence. A few of you reading this know what it is like to submerse yourself into the thick of the action, leap straight into adulthood. No fun is it? It has its perks, sure. There is a freedom in knowing that you can wake up, work and see your friends and boyfriend. Start over the next day. But…where does this cyclical survival leave the dreams you once had when adulthood was not yet an obligation, but still disguised as an opportunity. Heck. I entered university the first time as an idiot, plunging into the adult workforce unprepared and ignorant, and now, NOW, I get to start over. Not only will I begin again to experience the thrill of “real life” – heartaches and bruises and accomplishments – but also, new perspectives.
The weirdest part about all of this is not how excited I am to be able to finally get my head on straight and dive into the modern workforce more prepared, but how much time I have on my hands to do it. I literally do not have to be into class till two in the afternoon every day and I have Fridays/weekends off. What am I supposed to do with that time? Oh I have plans. I get to volunteer and keep up with my blogs, books reviews. I can go to concerts. I get to read any time I want. I get to research for my future plans. I get to PLAN my life as I want it and then accomplish that plan step by step without fear of falling to far from the starting mark.
Wish me luck!