Tag Archives: friendship

New Year, New Hope

Standard

I wanted to start off the new year by saying that if you have never read anything I had written in 2014, don’t worry because all you need to know is that for the year 2015 I will be proclaiming Jesus Christ as redeemer of my life and will be keeping you updated on all the amazing blessings and transformations he has planned for me throughout the next 364 days. This past year definitely had its ups and downs, and I have goals for this year. But, the past is not important and I cannot determine my future despite all the plans I may form and attempt to execute. What matters to me now is the present and the fact that I have this unreal pressing on my heart to proclaim the validity of my Christian faith to the world and especially my friends.

My friends…Oh man, how I love them!

My number one goal for the new year is to see God work in the lives of my friends. My number one goal is to show them how really real God is and how true his love and forgiveness are by living an example. This is the hard part. I have not been the ideal Christian. I have smoked weed. I have had sex outside of marriage. I have cursed like a sailor. I have lied. I have done and written many things that contradict the principles laid out in the Bible – the spiritual foundation of Truth. I am the ultimate hypocrite and my friends are my eye-witnesses. But if I can prove anything, I can prove that I have changed and this change was not something I accomplished on my own. I have changed because God woke me up and saved me. I thought I was a Christian before, but I wasn’t. I thought I knew what I believed and could stand up for it, but I didn’t and couldn’t. I couldn’t even tell my friends the honest truth. How is that love?

I know for certain now that belief in Christ is the only way to truth and understanding and life after death, and he has placed an urgency in my soul to see my friends understand him and accept love even when they don’t feel deserving. I’m not deserving either, but I’m not afraid to show how the truth has changed my life so drastically even in the last 3 months. I proclaimed my faith to my bestfriend and told her that I would stand firm because I know she deserve to hear the truth despite the fear that coursed through me when I did. I broke the heart of someone I cared for intensely because I knew we were sinning and I would not allow myself to continue bringing sin into his life because he deserves to know what true love is. I smashed my pipe and threw my dope in the trash because I knew that it was at the heart of my spiritual issues and was forcing me to cling to my past mistakes.

No matter the political unrest in the world – the violence, the hatred, the anger and war – my friends are more important to me. To know that I have been given the key to life and to see them still in dark…cuts me deep. One of my friends actually reads this blog because he’s just that supportive and awesome, and he would say I have the right to believe what I believe, but he doesn’t believe that I speak truth…only personal opinion. It is the same with my bestfriend. A few nights ago, she and I had a very heated discussion about God and faith and truth. What came to light is the fact that we love each other immensely and have both been hurt immensely. I love her so much, but I can’t heal her wounds. That kills me more than anything, I think. I love all my friends. I would give my life for my friends – for them to see the truth of God’s love. But…it seems that I cannot help them see that my love stems from the all-encompassing love of God. I wish they could see how much more God loves them than even I do. I wish that truth more than opinion to them. I wish that they could experience the knee-buckling peace that comes with understanding God’s grace.

I wish that for you too.

For everyone. And, I am going to do my best in the grand year 2015 to help God reveal himself by physically and verbally expressing the change I have experienced. This change has made me free! God has made me free! Free to love and hope and weep and endure because I know that he “works all things towards good for those who love God”. I can no longer remain silent because to be silent would do more harm than good even if my friends can’t see it yet. I love them more by making them face truth eye-to-eye through me than by hoping someone else comes along who maybe has the balls to speak honestly with them. If I won’t rip the band-aid off, God can’t heal the wound.

8

Romans 5: 1-11

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God though our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained accessed by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die – but God shows his love for us in the while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

Advertisements

I’m Holding Out My Hand

Standard

More than anything in this life, I hope that my friends – who I love so dearly – will come to understand how much more God loves them than even I do. It may be an unpopular opinion to believe that (1) there is a God and (2) He loves not only me, but everyone I hold dear to my heart and (3) He wants to love us for eternity so he literally sent someone to give us a way to reach Him and believe in His reality. Sure, I can see how it seems like a stretch. And, I know it’s so easy to get caught up in all the confusion that religion and science and popular opinion provide by screaming at us from all directions, pleading for us to figure everything out on our own about our existence and origin and future and how to raise our children, etc. But, I’ve come to understand that God doesn’t need to scream at us or plead. He has provided an answer for all life’s questions and concerns and confusing moments. He has provided a way to save us when we land at rock-bottom physically, mentally, emotionally. When we least expect it, he whispers. And when we finally hear what he has to say, the truth seems so clear. Faith in something greater than myself – a greater purpose, a greater calling, a greater peace, a greater understanding and acceptance – is revealed in the quiet moments when His whisper is the loudest voice in the room. All other voices drown out and this overwhelming sense of “knowing” becomes apparent and faith becomes so easy because I can simply give up all control, all worries, all self-doubt and struggle and just believe that I am loved and protected. I want – seriously, more than anything I could ask for during my lifetime – my friends to know the knee-buckling peace that comes with understanding that God loves them fully and completely with no strings…despite its being an unpopular opinion.

Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”

November Rain

Standard

My birthday is two weeks away, and I could not have been given a better gift. Cold, winter rain has descended on the university, and the classrooms finally feel warm. My paperwork is lining up, and I have no doubt that the end of the semester is in sight with passing grades within reach. This progress towards a better existence has begun to unfold and the aspects of myself revealing their true nature is a dazzling display of color in my life. Friendship has, also, taken a new form. I suppose I have a sister now. A bosom friend: eighteen years old and so much like me at her age. I grew up the older sister of a baby brother, and communicating with a young man is different than communicating with a young woman. Granted, I am still quite young myself, but I have experienced plenty within my personal footprint. I have decided to pass on my wisdom to her; this is wisdom, I suppose, I gained from the life my choices forced me to live out. My past. I don’t want her to follow my wrong steps; but, sometimes the thought is laughable. I tell myself that this is a ridiculous idea because dealing with eighteen-year old drama is sometimes unbearable. I am sorely out of practice when it comes to being the older sister of a girl. She is wild and headstrong and a dork and beautiful. But, I love her for her quirky nature, melodrama and fears because she listens and she cares and she wants what is right in her life. This quality is my favorite thing about her, and why I love her dearly.

She inspires me.

Me and Jori Magee

She makes me want to be a better person; someone who strives for a great life with a great partner and great friends. And, finally, finally, I see it all within my reach. I see budding friendships. A bright future. A growing faith. Tell me… can something this beautiful really last?

With Love,

R

Back in the Groove

Standard
Back in the Groove

Dreary days have been absent this summer, but today, the skies are a milky blue-grey. This shade of creativity castes the world in shimmering pale. I love the wet. Because the wasps by my window have settled down for an extended nap till a dry shine will wake them. Until then, the rain drips by their heads silently, persistently. On gloomy days, I most appreciate how the world rotates in an ever-constant state while my perceived reality slows – just enough – to feel as if all things are crawling through an invisible field of molasses. And, everything is green against the backdrop of blue-grey. I have been inspired to write. The surge of creative juices has my fingers itching, but insert my dilemma: boop. I have no clue what to write. Oh sure, I’ve ideas. A frightening story has been gurgling in my belly for some time, but am I willing, in ink, to murder? I have considered completing a short horror piece for Halloween, but to what extend will I allow the gore to overtake me, bathe me? Horror is a magic you must be careful to press into ink. Nightmares too easily leap from the page.

Romance has been tickling the back of my brain lately – too – like a subtle seduction. Love frightens me more than gore, and a true love story is hard to find – even harder to capture on paper. I dislike the production of cheesy love. Not to say that true love can’t be cheesy. If you have an adorkable personality…Go with it. What I am trying to say is that my love story should feel like a travesty of emotions. Perhaps love is nothing but a figment of perception coupled with an onslaught of adrenaline, but I refuse to believe. Taking the scientific stance on love is boring and mature. Since when has love ever FELT like a rush of hormones? Never. At least, that’s not how we put it to words. Love is an overflowing spring of torment that tastes of raspberry and honey to the tongue, smells of lilacs and lavender to the nose, feels like goose bumps on the belly beneath silk sheets.

I’m just going to have to get back into the groove of the consistent writing, I guess. I’ve been negligent, but when reality like lightening strikes you down with responsibility, you must do it and put away pleasures till they are reasonable.

Honestly, writing is not the only thing that I will have to “get back in the groove” to accomplish. After a two year break, I am headed back to university to finish my degree. This step in the supposed “right” direction has me nervous and excited. Transferring my mind and social standing to that was a college student is going to be tough. Exhilarating. Never before have I had such a rush of mixed emotions. I am in love with the notion. I am going to miss my friends. Leaving them for months at a time while I get my life figured out is going to be the hardest aspect of this transition. How does one maintain friendships over such a distance? I have had difficulties maintaining friendship when they are merely on the opposite side of town, but now that five hours distance will separate us, I am not sure how to react. I wish to assume that they are going to forget me. I wish we had taken more photos over the course of the summer, but there is always next summer to accomplish that goal. I have promised myself that if I make good grades, I will treat myself to a camping vacation with my friends. But…we will see how the winds blows a year from now. In a year, much can change. People change. Lives change. Dreams change. I’m not sure I am ready for it. By Friday, I have to be ready to sign my name to fate. I must force myself to take a positive outlook on all of this and channel that outlook in a constructive way for my future. I have goals, true, but I don’t want to leave behind my friends in order to get there. But, growing up – this time – is not going to be fair.