Tag Archives: faith

New Year, New Hope


I wanted to start off the new year by saying that if you have never read anything I had written in 2014, don’t worry because all you need to know is that for the year 2015 I will be proclaiming Jesus Christ as redeemer of my life and will be keeping you updated on all the amazing blessings and transformations he has planned for me throughout the next 364 days. This past year definitely had its ups and downs, and I have goals for this year. But, the past is not important and I cannot determine my future despite all the plans I may form and attempt to execute. What matters to me now is the present and the fact that I have this unreal pressing on my heart to proclaim the validity of my Christian faith to the world and especially my friends.

My friends…Oh man, how I love them!

My number one goal for the new year is to see God work in the lives of my friends. My number one goal is to show them how really real God is and how true his love and forgiveness are by living an example. This is the hard part. I have not been the ideal Christian. I have smoked weed. I have had sex outside of marriage. I have cursed like a sailor. I have lied. I have done and written many things that contradict the principles laid out in the Bible – the spiritual foundation of Truth. I am the ultimate hypocrite and my friends are my eye-witnesses. But if I can prove anything, I can prove that I have changed and this change was not something I accomplished on my own. I have changed because God woke me up and saved me. I thought I was a Christian before, but I wasn’t. I thought I knew what I believed and could stand up for it, but I didn’t and couldn’t. I couldn’t even tell my friends the honest truth. How is that love?

I know for certain now that belief in Christ is the only way to truth and understanding and life after death, and he has placed an urgency in my soul to see my friends understand him and accept love even when they don’t feel deserving. I’m not deserving either, but I’m not afraid to show how the truth has changed my life so drastically even in the last 3 months. I proclaimed my faith to my bestfriend and told her that I would stand firm because I know she deserve to hear the truth despite the fear that coursed through me when I did. I broke the heart of someone I cared for intensely because I knew we were sinning and I would not allow myself to continue bringing sin into his life because he deserves to know what true love is. I smashed my pipe and threw my dope in the trash because I knew that it was at the heart of my spiritual issues and was forcing me to cling to my past mistakes.

No matter the political unrest in the world – the violence, the hatred, the anger and war – my friends are more important to me. To know that I have been given the key to life and to see them still in dark…cuts me deep. One of my friends actually reads this blog because he’s just that supportive and awesome, and he would say I have the right to believe what I believe, but he doesn’t believe that I speak truth…only personal opinion. It is the same with my bestfriend. A few nights ago, she and I had a very heated discussion about God and faith and truth. What came to light is the fact that we love each other immensely and have both been hurt immensely. I love her so much, but I can’t heal her wounds. That kills me more than anything, I think. I love all my friends. I would give my life for my friends – for them to see the truth of God’s love. But…it seems that I cannot help them see that my love stems from the all-encompassing love of God. I wish they could see how much more God loves them than even I do. I wish that truth more than opinion to them. I wish that they could experience the knee-buckling peace that comes with understanding God’s grace.

I wish that for you too.

For everyone. And, I am going to do my best in the grand year 2015 to help God reveal himself by physically and verbally expressing the change I have experienced. This change has made me free! God has made me free! Free to love and hope and weep and endure because I know that he “works all things towards good for those who love God”. I can no longer remain silent because to be silent would do more harm than good even if my friends can’t see it yet. I love them more by making them face truth eye-to-eye through me than by hoping someone else comes along who maybe has the balls to speak honestly with them. If I won’t rip the band-aid off, God can’t heal the wound.


Romans 5: 1-11

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God though our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained accessed by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person – though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die – but God shows his love for us in the while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

Redefining Moments



Jeremiah 33:2-3 “Thus says the Lord who made earth, the Lord who formed it to establish it – the Lord is his name: Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

I have asked myself ten times over: Who am I? In the past, I would banish any self-doubt by rushing into an ill-prepared answer without over-thinking the truth behind that question. Frankly, I did not want to be honest with myself. I wanted to find a quick definition that would connect me with those I was trying to impress. Have you not ever tried to press yourself into two or three molds in order to reflect back the same visage or personality embodied by the environment of people you wish to impress or be accepted by? Whether you have or not, I have. And, it began to wear me thin. I became obsessed with defining myself as others may see me, and in the process, I forgot that only one set of eyes are worthy of my impression.

Not everyone who reads my blog will believe in God, but I do and I can’t deny that fact anymore. Because…God is the only one I should be worrying about impressing. And to impress God means that I don’t conform to how others would want me to act or look or define myself, but rather conform to the image represented by God – love of others, purity, self-control, slow to anger, etc. These are qualities that keep me focused on developing a gentle spirit that longs to see the world come to understand saving grace and acceptance and eventually joy with the understanding that there is life after death – a triumphant life with God – worth pursuing without fear of what others may think.

All that being said, you are going to see a pretty drastic change in the subject matter represented in my blog. I won’t be deleting any posts because I think it is wise to know from what state my heart, perceptions and words have developed and grown. I am not dissatisfied with the words I have been sharing with you thus far; I am just dissatisfied with their content. I’m not ashamed of anything, but I think God has a bigger purpose for this little blurp of space occupying the internet and so I’m planning on making my words count for a higher purpose.

I’m not planning on everyone agreeing with me, but maybe, together we will see how words can truly affect people’s lives for the better. That is why we write in the first place, isn’t it? To persuade people to view life differently. To highlight alternate perceptions of the reality we all share. I hope that you will join me and we can debate issues and conquer questions that plague our hearts. Hopefully, through sharing with you my faith and unaltered opinions on truth and love, we can discover real truth after scraping away all that seems convoluted by jargon and deception.

A Human Condition

A Human Condition

Religion – what a nasty subject to write about. Frankly, I will be real with you and say that I’m not a fan of religion. Religion is darkness, friend, and I know this to be truth. This does not mean to say that I don’t have faith because faith is another matter altogether. Faith is believing something that cannot be seen…Religion is a bunch of man-made practices to contextualize faith which, like anything made by man, is very easily corruptible. A book I recently read, One Thousand White Women by Jim Fergus, gives a very clear picture (even if he does exaggerate a smidge within the lenient realm of fiction) of the difference between a faith-based culture and a religion-based culture. Fergus lays out a brilliant depiction of both by representing the simplicity and practicality of the Cheyenne Indian faith in contrast to the corrupted and haughty religious piety of the Episcopalian church. His examples border on the extreme which of course is a great technique when striving to emphasize a valid point in fiction, but it got me to consider faith in general.

I grew up in church, and I can heartily say that I am a good person (albeit definitely not perfect and always requiring forgiveness) because of it, but as I have grown up, I see more and more the faultiness of anything produced by man. Religion is a big one (that’s a…duh) but it transcends beyond religion and into politics, philosophy, science. You name it. For some reason, humans seems to flub up on everything. We add one too many sticks to the mudpie and soon we have a bunch of sticks and no fun mudpie because it has been stabbed too many times with too many opinions deemed “truth”.

Honestly, I’m not sure where I’m headed with this….It just makes ya think, ya know. Adam and Eve did not have religion or politics nor did they worry themselves over sciences of where they came from. They just knew because faith was life. Faith was existence. Faith was. Faith still is, mind you…It takes faith to sit on a chair and know it won’t break on you instantly. It takes faith to write these words knowing that somewhere someone will be affected or learn something new or change a perspective. And then again, perhaps, my views are just another stick in the pie…

It’s hard to rely solely on my own understanding, and if human understanding is inherently faulty, then on whom can I rely? That’s the question bugging everyone, I think…And so we come full circle because it is human tendency to want to answer the question on our own, in our own faulty way and thus there was the birth of religion…no longer associated with the faith that there is just someone up there taking care of it all. We have so consumed ourselves with the need to control that when we realized faith requires a relinquishing of control, we pushed it to the side. We sought our own answers and prescriptions and finally shunned faith altogether and essentially turned it to myth. We’d rather stress ourselves by arguing over EVERYTHING instead of relying on a faith to bring us comfort.

I know this takes us into the realm of which faith is the “True” faith, and I have my own personal answer for that, but again, you may not agree, and even if this tugging of my spirit confirms for me that my faith is truly Truth, the human condition of which I am also victim makes me consent to the possibility that I could be wrong. What is Truth anyways? I know my version of faith to be Truth, but a person on the other side of the world may consider their version of faith to be Truth. One of us is right and one of us is wrong, and we may argue about it and I may “convert” you to my beliefs or vice-versa, but we won’t truly truly know till time quits and Truth reveals itself. So I guess this is what faith is about, hmm – setting aside that human condition for a moment to just left faith be, trusting that Truth is there and will come to light for everyone in its appropriate time, not by force or by speculation of the masses.