Tag Archives: beauty

Life Update: Transitions

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“How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?” ~ Dr. Seuss

Time

Time is like fragrant nitrogen gas. It is always present in our atmosphere, but we only smell its sweetness after rain. Then it flees, fades but lingers beyond our perception until it rains again. It has been raining frequently at home these past few months, and time feels like it is sweeping my feet from beneath me. The world is spinning it out of control; the second law of thermodynamics is taking its toll; humanity is crumbling while so few stop to smell the nitrogen of time. Before we realize, time will cease to be understood as we understand it. There will be only eternity – a negative and positive. Still so many are unsure on which side they land. Time – a constant force – is both with us and against us, but the world has forgotten its sense of urgency. We have settled into our depravity, praying that a genius somewhere in our generation will create immortality. This way, we nullify God. We nullify, reject the truth that we are already immortal. Souls are eternal. Time is eternal. God is eternal. Hell is eternal. Love is eternal.

These revelations are of God – truth revealed slowly, with each new rain, as the fleeting nature of time is unveiled secretly to me as a smell of nitrogen. Yet, life still continues. It is plummeting to the depths of a chasm, to its finality, and I chase dreams, hopes and assurance like a pro surfer atop roaring waves. We all chase what we desire, forgetting that God loves to bless us with the desires of our hearts if we only draw near.

I remember how ignorant of time I used to be. My senses were dull. I was blind, mute, calloused on my hands and feet, deaf, and allergies of deception had clogged my nose. The rain was not sweet. It did not tell me secrets. It was floods and disaster and annoyance and mud. Time dragged. Sin was acceptable, forgivable, a choice. I did all that I wanted to do because it temporarily felt amazing, but like a serpent that slithers, depression, anger, loneliness, jealousy, greed, lust lurked in the grass at my ankles. Till I finally said, “Enough.” Suddenly like a flood, nitrogen filled my lungs. Elohim opened my eyes. Yahweh opened my mouth. Jesus whispered truth in my ears. These arthritic knuckles began to love others. My nose cleared, and time came rushing at me in full force. Clarity brought purpose. Learning to love God brought fulfillment of hopes, reality of dreams, and assurance of positive eternity.

My life has shifted. It has turned from drug use, foul language, pregnancy scares and hatred of mankind to driven clarity towards learning what God has to tell me about who I am, my soul, the world, to purer speech, to desires for sexual purity, and to love for all of mankind. The transition is overwhelming. My goals in life have changed, and I have never felt more satisfied to let the Lord of the universe direct my path because the path that He is sending me down is beautiful, difficult, aware and glorious. My soul is at peace even as I watch the world slumber in sin – its senses dull to the urgency of time. Plus, having drawn near, I recognize the desires of my heart having been given to me. I have a wonderful boyfriend now who loves the Lord. His son is beautiful and loves me. Jesus is using me to love my best friend to show her how much He loves her even more than I do. I have a summer job where I am not persecuted for my faith. My immediate family is growing stronger and builds me up.

Time is no longer silent or frightening. It is a whirring river. It is a bottomless ocean. It is thunder and echoes of orchestral crickets.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” ~ Hebrews 11:1

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Many [A Poem]

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butterfly spirit

I think that true love reveals itself within many versions: with god; in motherly affection; with brotherly affection; and in romance.

We make bonds with people. It’s nature’s way. It feels like we are created for love and for affection. It’s like the rhythm of the earth is two heartbeats working as one and in multitude.

Can’t you feel it?

It’s a steady hum, plus drum.

Star Songs

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star songs

If you sit still and listen to silence long enough
You can hear the steady buzz of the world.
Silence is never truly silent.
Inside its self-preserved dome of peace
Silence hums a cyclical song –
Melodic histories.
It woos us into subconscious understanding
With its complex lullaby.
It tells us time and time again
In different ways
How our history is playing out before us;
How our present is just the past verse sung
To an alternate beat
Or with a new instrument.
The world is in a constant state of rotation.
With each turn on our axis
We create a fresh verse
But the sad reality of this lullaby
Is that it is indeed cyclical.
We are doomed to revert back to a state of chorus
Only to rise into a verse
With altered undulation.
We are captured by a dance
Where our steps are determined by the music
That history decides to play.
Lying on the slope of a hill near the crest
When the night sky is clear of clouds
And the moon decides to hide,
You will see a vast expanse of stars.
It is breathtaking.
It is in that moment,
As grass tickles your ears and wind whispers to you,
Do you come to a realization that our world
Is either very small or large.
You discover a sense of where we are in the universe.
Combine this illumination
With Silence.
All at once you are overcome with your realities
Philosophies and dreams
And then
When it feels like the sensation is overwhelming
You suddenly find yourself at peace –
Embraced.
You are in the front row of an orchestra.
A connection is made and all the questions
You have ever felt inside
About your existence bubble outward.
Ancients before you described the stars as history
Transcribed by the gods
And as you stare into them
Past them
You notice that the stars form the notes on a musical staff.
Each is a point in your history –
The world’s history –
Strung together by nature to form the quivering hum you now feel.
I think
It is our nature in times of self-revelation that we analyze;
We delve into the deeper aspects of our curiosity.
One question is bouncing around in your head
More than others, however.
Where are we now?
You wrap your arms under your head and think.
You remember the history taught to you in middle school
And you recall current events.
Are we dancing to the beat of a happy verse?
Something tumultuous
Relaying a sense of change?
Or steady and familiar like the chorus?
How closely does this turn of the axis resemble the past?
How radically unique?
Which notes are my OWN?
It would appear
If we are destined to dance
That our futures are laid out before us without the hope
For significant change.
We will ebb and flow consistently.
But, why?
Our ancestors believed that there was the ability in us –
A gift of sorts which nature grants
That beckons us to change the tune.
If we lie complacent
Satisfied to slumber as the lullaby resonates
Merely in the background of existence
Then we will have no significance to the song.
We will dance as we were meant to dance
Not jive or do the robot or weep interpretively.
And although with each generation
The past is a looming presence
Waiting to be played again
The same way,
We must accept the gift nature has given us;
Be determined
To alter the verse.
Play the notes in the direction
We want our history to unfold.
Be the next whole note to appear on the staff.
Inspire jazz.
Inspire change.
Inspire the perfect song that when the time comes
For it to repeat itself
We will be satisfied to slumber.